I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
