i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
