I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
