I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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