So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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