Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
