just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
