Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
