A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
