i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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