I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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