I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
