Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
