Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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