would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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