i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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