tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
