Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
