Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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