i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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