Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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