I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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