An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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