guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize