I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
