He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
