My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
