If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
