Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
