It's like God shit irony all over that family
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
