Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
