It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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