It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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