Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
