never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
