Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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