Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
