This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
