we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
