btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
