pop tarts are not kleenex
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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