I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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