I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
