Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
