I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
