i love accidental penises.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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