babies were throwing up all over the place
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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