Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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