Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
