well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
