Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
