I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I can't turn off my feet"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
