You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
