No awkward lesbian experiences without me
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
