so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
