I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
