I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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