He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
