I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Randomize
