i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
