Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
