Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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