Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
