if you like me you must not know who I am
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
