The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Who died my cat blue again?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize