you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
