Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
