I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
