im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
