Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
