So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
