My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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