I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
