I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
