So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We are all done wearing pants today
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
