you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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